The one that gnaws at my stomach, reminding me to worry: I’ve forgotten something; hurt someone with a thoughtless word; I’ll never complete what I’ve set out to do. It walks in my shadow all day, telling me there’s no point to it all, so why bother?
Sometimes it sleeps, releasing me into a place of laughter and escape. When I leave that sanctuary I turn and trip over it, bruising again.
I’ve found some pretty yellow pills that keep this hound at bay for a few hours. But he’s watching. Patient. Welcoming that yellow as his best friend, knowing they’re insidious traitors offering temporary, false relief from his attention.
The dog watches, lying in a corner with its head on its paws as I tackle new projects and meet new people to avoid its orange stare. It knows I’ll see it again when the novelty wears off, and I’m not surrounded by noise and friends and things to do. It’ll keep me company in the quiet of the pre-dawn, breathing its foul breath until I can sleep no more.
I see now that it’s always been there. I realise my mum had chained it up in a kennel out back, keeping me safe.
Do you think the SPCA will take it away if I ask very nicely?
Aw Dusts. Gatskop him and tell him to voetsak.
Urgh. I have a black dog, too. I think if I don’t feed him he’ll go away, but he’s pretty good at not eating and surviving. *bites fingernails*
Good luck.
Humans outlive dogs. Even scary dogs- scary talking dogs. What you need is a giant Bell Jar and some of that permanent sleep gas. coax him gently in, and you’ll be freeeeeeeeeee!
Not a pleasant subject, but there is a brutal beauty about the way you put it. Shew – good writing! Nicely done, Dust.