I wish I could sing

The last time I uttered this sentiment was to Clare, when we were emptying our dogs* in the forest one sunny afternoon. “OK,” she said, “but you have to give up something that you’re good at.” Hmm. I’ve thought and thought and thought.  But I can’t think of anything that I’m really good at that [...]

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I Did It!

In October, I committed to writing a 50,000 word novel during November.   Being the serial procrastinator that I am, I knew I’d have to prod myself, and I did this with several support groups – I recruited writing buddies online and in the flesh.   It’s been an awesome experience.  Worldwide, 170,0000 lunatics submitted 2,017,483,647 words [...]

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Opening Night

You wish thespians good luck by telling them to break a leg. My favourite version of the origin of the saying is this one: In traditional curtains, the legs of the curtain were constructed from long wooden rods. In the case of many encores, curtains would be lifted and dropped numerous times causing them to [...]

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Shoot me Now

I’ve done it. I’ve signed up for Nano. This means I MUST write a 50,000 word novel in November.  Doesn’t matter if it’s good, bad or ugly.  It must just be 50,000 words or more. What on earth for? Well, I’ve done three writing courses this year, joined three writing groups* , and joined a book [...]

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Tulbagh Earthquake – 40 Years on

Forty years ago my dad woke me up and said I must go outside because there were elephants under my bed. Tsk.  South Africa had just experienced its worst earthquake:   6.3 on the Richter scale.  We were 90km away, and it was felt as far away as Durban (1175km).  Mr Muffin remembers he was watching [...]

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Speechless Saturday

Young men are rare in Cape Town, and even more so in amateur theatre. The play I’m in calls for some hard-to-find items: a Jose Feliciano LP, 1970’s ashtrays and furniture, Pomagne, and, you guessed it, a young man. I listed these on the front of my script, to remind me to look for them [...]

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Slow Children Crossing: Sê Weer?

I’ve been exploring the interior of Mr Muffin’s not-so-new-any-more car. It’s very clean. We believe no child has ever contaminated the interior. I mean, what 7-year old car still has the protective plastic on the running board? The sunvisor has a flap over the mirror. When you open the flap a light comes on, so [...]

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Touché

In Muffin Manor, I cook supper and Mr Muffin makes lunch. But a long weekend usually throws out the grocery shopping routine, so this week’s been somewhat improvisational. Last night, I’d forgotten about an early meeting, so rushed out of the house leaving a note next to half a box of chocolates: Hello Hunnee, Good [...]

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Ioannis NK Sugar Spill: The End is Nigh

Superstition has it that if you spill sugar, you will get a visitor. Ioannis NK sank off our coastline last week, spilling 22 500 tons of sugar. So just how big is our visitor going to be? Common sense leads to the conclusion that this is the final sign that the Second Coming is imminent. [...]

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Speechless Sunday

Mr Muffin usually waits in the car when I pop into Woolies, but this time he decided to come with me. I picked up the milk and headed for the checkout, followed by a 56-year-old toddler: ”Can we get Chuckles for pudding?” “No, we’re too fat.” “What about these chips, they’re kettle-fried?” “Too much salt.” [...]

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Mr Muffin’s New Car

Mr Muffin has been looking for a ‘new’ car for months, but each one he sees has something wrong. Upholstery, colour, mileage, dings. All sound like girlie reasons not to close the deal. Last week he found The One. It’s white. It’s an automatic. It puts him in the ‘old man’ league. I asked him [...]

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Anyone for Flame Grilled Chicken and Vegetable Medley?

Last July I speculated on the launch of new dog food flavours as the recession kicked in.  Late last year Purina took the gap and launched Husky Grill House. They’ve excelled themselves with their choice of Flame Grilled Chicken, Rump Steak, Lamb Cutlets or Tender Chicken, all served with a delicious Vegetable Medley. Never mind [...]

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An Oh F*ck Moment

I’ve taken a few baby steps in a new life direction. Tonight I met someone who could make a big difference in whether it will work. I was introduced, and because I hadn’t done my homework, I just held out my hand, smiled, and said hello. He smiled back, and said that my name sounded [...]

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Monday Morning Musings

It’s nine o’clock and the radio is playing happy music in the background. The sun is playing with a breeze, creating a monochromatic kaleidoscope on my desk. The dog is snoring on the carpet behind me. In the garden, birds are playing in the spray from the sprinkler. Enveloped in the delicious sloth of my [...]

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On Non-Swimmers

A friend asked me if I knew why non-whites are referred to as non-swimmers. “Duh. Because they can’t swim.” “Ah. But do you know why they can’t swim?” “Well, it’s not really part of their culture.” “Wrong. During the apartheid era there was nowhere to swim. They weren’t allowed to use the public baths. They [...]

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